I won! Or did I?

With the sick feeling still in the pit of my stomach I slowly picked up the phone and dialed the doctor’s office. I left a message for the nurse to call me back and went about my day. Every time I heard the phone ring my heart jumped.  I wasn’t sure I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to the nurse. I think I knew in my heart that this conversation could change everything. I was making myself sick with worry  and I needed it to end one way or another.

At the end of the day the nurse called me back.  During this conversation, the nurse asked if Meghann was doing a series of developmental milestones. Many of her milestones were on target. The nurse assured me that as long as Meghann was within the  milestones guideline for babies everything was fine. I replied to her that it wasn’t the developmental milestones that worried me. What really concerned me was how Meghann wasn’t  holding her head up as well as babies several months younger.  I explained to the nurse repeatedly how this concerned me. She was beginning to make me feel somewhat guilty for trying to convince her that something was wrong. She continued to dismiss me like a child who was bothering her during an important phone call.

I presented my reasons for concern as if I was in front of a judge pleading for mercy. She finally gave into this new mother. Perhaps because it was the end of the day and she wanted to get home or she became tired of listening to me. It didn’t matter to me what the reason was at this point. I had an appointment for the next day. I was relieved but, I was also scared out of my mind to what I might find out at this appointment. I won my case! Or did I?

The first 10 month of Meghann’s life seem like a blur to me. The lack of sleep, adjusting to motherhood, the constant company, nursing, and all that goes into becoming a mom.  The transition of me to us was unbelievably wonderful. I was not alone when it came to motherhood in my circle of friends.  A good friend of mine had a baby girl 4 months later.  My best friend was not the only one of my friends who had started to have children. It was a very exciting time for all of us. Life couldn’t have been any better for me and my friends.

After visiting with my best friend and her daughter, who was 4 month younger than Meghann, I noticed something. Little did I know this something was about to change my life.  As both our girls laid on the floor beside each other I noticed some similarities however I also saw one movement that was really different. Perhaps I should state that it was a lack of movement.  This lack of movement would forever change the planned path I had for my daughter and myself.

At 3 month a baby should be able to turn and hold up the head alone. Surprisingly enough I did not notice at first that my baby was not holding her head up correctly. You have to remember this was before the internet and I was a first time mother.  I didn’t have the wealth of information about baby development  at my fingertips. We had to read everything in a book.   Who had time to sit and read a book when you became a new mother?   

      I remember the conversation like it was yesterday with my friend. I remember comparing our girls and their development. Both of us thought of reasons why Meghann was behind Abby in her development.  Both of us reassuring each other  it was no big deal. Deep down I knew there was something wrong.  I felt it in the pit of my stomach.

Detour..proceed with caution

When a couple decides to start a family they both have in their mind their own ideas on how this plan will play out.  As a mother, I had a  dream of dance recitals, girl scouts, slumber parties, proms, weddings and grandchildren. Sometimes those paths take a detour.  This does not have to be a bad path just a different path. 

When I decide to have a child I was like many soon to be parents. I was  excited by the prospect of a new baby. The enthusiasm of my siblings combined with  the idea of the  first  grandchild made my first pregnancy more fun to me. This combination also made it more difficult for me to live in the moment of my pregnancy. I was impatient waiting for this child to arrive and my family was even more impatient. It felt like I was watching the sand in an hourglass.  My pregnancy was one of the happiest events in my life. I couldn't wait to do it again..and again...and again.

There were the usual baby showers and pampering by my family. The anticipation and eagerness seemed to drag on  forever. Waiting for this new addition to our family couldn’t happen any faster as far as my family was concerned. Everyone was making sure they could either fly or drive  to my house  to meet their soon to be niece or nephew.  

I remember the day like many other future moms do and it was full of emotions. I couldn't wait to meet my baby. Of course I had the usual thought that I wanted to get this baby out of me. It was June and I was swelling like the boy in the Willy Wonka Chocolate factory movie.

On June 27th everyone in the family was notified and off I went to the hospital. The hospital was only a 20 minute drive. It was a warm morning and the sun was shining bright. There was very little traffic. We didn’t speed to the hospital I knew we would have plenty of time. After all this was the first baby and everybody always says the first one usually takes their time.
I was surprisingly relaxed when I  stopped by  my mom and grandmas house to tell them we were headed to the hospital. They knew I didn't want everyone there watching me so they had agreed to stay home. When I think back on it I cannot believe they didn't jump in the car and beat us to the hospital.

Like many first time mothers the day stretched into the night and finally Meghann was born at 9:55 pm. by C-section. 8 lbs and 13 ½ ounces.  She had a full head of black hair and was beautiful.  A perfect baby girl. At least that is what we thought. It took 9 months for me to notice that things did not seem as perfect as I thought in the beginning. My path was beginning to twist around a way that I had never imagined. 

Detour....proceed with caution.