What is a bully?
bully
a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.
"he is a ranting, domineering bully"
“You are fat, You are too short, you are stupid, you have a big nose.”
We have all said hurtful words to someone, and we have all probably been on the
receiving end of a negative comment or two - especially if you have siblings.
When my siblings and I fought or teased each other we knew exactly
what to say to hurt each other the most. Of course, we were kids.
It was expected of us to fight. Right?
However when teasing is taken to a level beyond the typical sibling poking
fun it becomes a problem.
When I gave birth to Meghann my life changed forever. I was not only a new
mother I was a mother of a child born with cerebral palsy. I became an instant
advocate for her. I worried if Meghann would be made fun of because of her
diagnosis. Would kids be mean to Meghann? Would she have any friends?
Would she be bullied? These were just a few questions that use to run through
my mind daily. Throughout the years, some of the situations I had to deal with
were people staring. When Meghann was in public in her wheelchair she drew attention
to herself. We never cared that she got a lot of attention. Most of the time, I didn't
mind answering a few questions about Meghann's chair or her non-typical behavior.
I welcomed the opportunity to educate people in our community. If I was able
to normalize Meghann's cerebral palsy in one persons eyes I figured it was worth the
teaching moment when a curious stranger approached us. Maybe educating that
individual would stop a future bully. It was my hope to have the world see Meghann
for the exceptional person she was to me.
Meghann was lucky to be educated and graduate from the school district in Peoria Il.
She was never bullied for being in a wheelchair or nonverbal. She was among other
wheelchair and augmentative device users and children who did not use special
equipment.
fortunate and grateful Meghann and I were never on a bully's radar.
It wasn’t until I went through my divorce that I realized first hand how words
can hurt someone. Partly because I never had anyone be mean to me...besides
my siblings when we were young. It was also during this time that I learned to
let things go.
"Hurt people Hurt people."
My divorce turned me into another person. And I didn't like that person. I was
constantly defending myself by telling my truths, and I am sure everyone was
getting sick of listening to me. I know I was really tired of listening to myself.
I had to let go! And that is exactly what I did.
Sometimes for our own mental and physical health, we have to wash our hands of the
mud others are trying to get us to play in. I would soon be challenged again. Would I
remember the lesson I had learn during the previous time many years later?
"Psycho B---- , Cold hearted B----, lazy and go get a job !!" and the dirty looks that
never stopped.
These were just a few examples that I endured and chose to ignore.
Meghann’s illness and death was the first time I endured a bully. You would think
that this bullying would of been devastating to me. It really just made me sad for
this person. It seems a little ridiculous at my age to deal with a bully. But that is
what happened. I know now bullies come in all ages.
When Meghann was admitted to the hospital and I spent five weeks by her side in the ICU
I was subjected to a bully. I didn’t realize it at that this terrible, it would be my
first experience being on the receiving end of bullying. And it would be by an individual
that I had never met or knew existed until then. I survived it then, and I do not concern
myself with any of the negativity today. Why? Because of Meghann. At the time, it was
more important to me to keep Meghann’s hospital room and surroundings calm, restful,
and loving. This is all that mattered to me. And as always, I did the right thing for Meghann
and me. Yes, I would and continue to handle it the same way today.
I had a friend say to me, “ You are a better person than me. I would be kicking her ass!!”
She cracks me up !!!
I am not a better person than my friend. I chose not to play in the mud.
"Hurt people Hurt people."
I hope by writing this blog we can all learn from it. Our words and actions impact
people. Those negative words not only infect the person they are directed to but to
all of the people surrounding them as well.
Let's all do better !!
In my new book, "Lets Play Ball", the protagonist, Meghann, experiences
what it is like to be on the bullying end of someone. Use this book and story
to open up the dialogue about bullying with your kids, grandchildren, nieces,
nephews, and each other.
And remember bullies come in all ages, genders, and situations.
Follow me on my blog at: https://parentingcelebratingsmallsteps.blogspot.com/
My author page: amazon.com/author/jillmaglioryan
Facebook: Meggeriffic
Follow the link below to order my new children's book on Amazon.
It is available today !!
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