Should we celebrate heavenly birthdays?

 

I never thought the anticipation of Meghann’s upcoming birthday would be so painful. It's been three years since Meghann passed away.  I still find myself in tears when something reminds me of her. It may be as simple as hearing kids splashing in a pool or seeing a picture on facebook of a back to school picture. Recently I was shopping with my step-daughter, Brittney and every place we went there were Mickey and Minnie mouse items. It was a reminder of all the Mickey and Minnie mouse things I used to buy for Meghann. She loved anything that had either character on it.

To say Meghann loved her birthday would be an understatement. The day was all about 

her and isn’t that what most of us want on our birthday. I never said she wasn't a little

spoiled. Spoiled in a good way!!  If that is possible.  She would start talking about her 

birthday as soon as she was finished with school for the year. She knew she had a summer

birthday.After she graduated high school she managed to figure out when to begin talking

about her birthday a few months before her June 27th day. Even on her last days on earth

as sick as she was laying in her hospital bed she would whisper in a voice horse from the

ventilator tube being inserted and removed several times, about her upcoming birthday. 

I didn’t mind promising her several times a day we would have a big party to celebrate her

birthday when she got out of the hospital. She would try each time to give me a half smile

with a quiet “yeah.” Each time she mentioned her birthday the crack in my heart would

spread a little bigger. I had hope that Meghann would heal from the  gall bladder surgery

and even make it through the pancreatitis to celebrate another birthday with me. I couldn’t

imagine living my life without my baby. Sadly there are only heavenly birthdays left for

Meghann. 

I thought about or should I say dreaded  Meghann’s upcoming birthday this past June.

After reflecting on the upcoming date of June 27th I slowly began to change my mindset 

about the day.  What could I do to honor or celebrate Meghann’s day? I had to do something to

not only make it through the day myself but something that would have an impact on somebody

in my community.  I began to brainstorm my plan for the day. 

There were a couple of things I needed for this day. I needed an act of kindness to spread, a

friend who would join in either laughing or crying with me, and something to share that

Meghann loved. 

The golden arches popped into my head!!  

There was one thing I knew about Meghann. Ever since my grandma introduced her to fish

sandwiches at McDonalds that is all she wanted when we passed a restaurant. Gift cards

would work for spreading kindness.  All I was left with was who would make this day

memorable?I have a lot of friends who would of loved to join me for the day including

my husband. However I thought about what I needed, not what everyone else would want.

This was a difficult task for me. The only  person who I thought would be up for the task was

my good friend, Marie. After all, what better person to understand me on this day than a mother

who has a son, Finn who has a diagnosis of autism. Moms with special needs kids know what

I am talking about when I say I needed a mom who was in my circle.

I bought a handful of gift cards from McDonalds and Dairy Queen. I tied up individual

baggies with pink ribbon.  Then I filled each one with a gift card along with some other goodies.

I loaded my car in the early morning on June 27th.

 

This is Marie and me in my car with a basket full of gifts. Ready to spread kindness

at the local parks in Kewanee.

We ran around tying bags to the playground equipment. Of course, leaving one on the

wheelchair accessible swing. Then we took off for the other park and tied gift cards all over the playground equipment.

I couldn’t complete the day without returning to Sheffield where I raised Meghann.

We proceeded to tie more gift bags around the park in Sheffield making sure we left

one at the new wheelchair accessible swing. 

We ran into four young kids playing at the park and we hand delivered them

each a goodie bag. They were very excited to see a McDonalds card in the bag. 

The day wouldn’t be complete without a stop out at the cemetery to visit

Meghann’s grave. We put balloons, flowers, and confetti all over Megahnn’s

grave.

After decorating Marie and I shared an Oreo cookie dessert for Meghann. She loved

her oreo’s !!! 

At first I was not going to share this day on my blog. It has taken me a couple of months

to think about it. The one thing I do not want is praise for spreading kindness on Meghann’s

birthday. I wanted to share this day with you because I didn’t lay in bed all day and cry. I got

up and made Meghann’s day a positive day for me just like the day she was born over 30

years ago.  Her birthday is always a difficult day for me. No more!! It's time to celebrate

Meghann’s birth and her life. It may be without her physically but that doesn’t mean I can’t

celebrate it. I hope this blog will help everyone realize it's okay to celebrate our loved ones'

birthdays after they are gone. I for one plan on celebrating Meghann’s birthday every year.

Happy Birthday, Meghann !!! 

Mommy loves you and misses you every day. 

Let's Play Ball

                                     

What is a bully?

 

bully

1. a person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those whom they perceive as vulnerable.

2. "he is a ranting, domineering bully"

“You are fat, You are too short, you are stupid, you have a big nose.”  

 

We have all said hurtful words to someone, and we have all probably been on the

receiving end of a negative comment or two - especially if you have siblings.

When my siblings and I fought or teased each other we knew exactly

what to say to hurt each other the most. Of course, we were kids.

It was expected of us to fight. Right? 

However when teasing is taken to a level beyond the typical sibling poking

fun it becomes a problem. 

When I gave birth to Meghann my life changed forever. I was not only a new

mother I was a mother of a child  born with cerebral palsy.  I became an instant 

advocate for her. I worried if Meghann would be made fun of because of her

diagnosis. Would kids be mean to Meghann? Would she have any friends?  

Would she be bullied? These were just a few questions that use to run through

my mind daily. Throughout the years, some of the situations I had to deal with 

were people staring. When Meghann was in public in her wheelchair she drew attention

to herself. We never cared that she got a lot of attention. Most of the time, I didn't

mind answering a few questions about Meghann's chair or her non-typical behavior. 

I welcomed the opportunity to educate people in our community.  If I was able

to normalize Meghann's cerebral palsy in one persons eyes I figured it was worth the

teaching moment when a curious stranger approached us. Maybe educating that 

individual would stop a future bully. It was my hope to have the world see Meghann 

for the exceptional person she was to me.                                      

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Meghann was lucky to be educated and graduate from the school district in Peoria Il.

She was never bullied for being in a wheelchair or nonverbal.  She was among other

wheelchair and augmentative device users and children who did not use special

equipment. 

I was thankful she never ran into a bully. At least not that I know of.  I was very

fortunate and grateful Meghann and I were never on a bully's radar.

                                                   Meghann and her boys at Richwoods H.S.

It wasn’t until I went through my divorce that I realized first hand how words

can hurt someone. Partly because I never had anyone be mean to me...besides

my siblings when we were young.  It was also during this time that I learned to

let things go.

"Hurt people Hurt people."

My divorce turned me into another person. And I didn't like that person. I was

constantly defending myself by telling my truths, and I am sure everyone was

getting sick of listening to me. I know I was really tired of listening to myself.

I had to let go! And that is exactly what I did. 

Sometimes for our own mental and physical health, we have to wash our hands of the

mud others are trying to get us to play in. I would soon be challenged again. Would I

remember the lesson I had learn during the previous time many years later? 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." 

"Psycho B---- , Cold hearted B----, lazy and go get a job !!" and the dirty looks that

never stopped.

These were just a few examples that I endured and chose to ignore.

Meghann’s illness and death was the first time I endured a bully. You would think

that this bullying would of been devastating to me. It really just made me sad for

this person. It seems a little ridiculous at my age to deal with a bully. But that is

what happened. I know now bullies come in all ages.

When Meghann was admitted to the hospital and I spent five weeks by her side in the ICU

I was subjected to a bully. I didn’t realize it at that this terrible, it would be my

first experience being on the receiving end of bullying. And it would be by an individual

that I had never met or knew existed until then. I survived it then, and I do not concern

myself with any of the negativity today. Why? Because of Meghann. At the time, it was

more important to me to keep Meghann’s hospital room and surroundings calm, restful,

and loving. This is all that mattered to me. And as always, I did the right thing for Meghann

and me. Yes, I would and continue to handle it the same way today.

I had a friend say to me, “ You are a better person than me. I would be kicking her ass!!”   

She cracks me up !!! 

I am not a better person than my friend. I chose not to play in the mud.

 "Hurt people Hurt people."

I hope by writing this blog we can all learn from it. Our words and actions impact

people. Those negative words not only infect the person they are directed to but to

all of the people surrounding them as well. 

Let's all do better !! 

In my new book, "Lets Play Ball", the protagonist, Meghann, experiences

what it is like to be on the bullying end of someone. Use this book and story

to open up the dialogue about bullying with your kids, grandchildren, nieces,

nephews, and each other. 

And remember bullies come in all ages, genders, and situations.

To order a copy of Let's Play Ball go to :

                        

https://www.amazon.com/Lets-Play-Ball-Jill-Maglio-Ryan/dp/B09918HXSM/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=Lets+play+ball&qid=1628612542&s=books&sr=1-4

Follow me on my blog at:     https://parentingcelebratingsmallsteps.blogspot.com/

My author page:   amazon.com/author/jillmaglioryan

Facebook:   Meggeriffic

  

A side note:  This book has been a learning experience for me.  I hired an illustrator, editor,

and format person. It was so worth the money and time it took to collaborate with each

of these professionals. They were truly a gift to make this story come together.  

Follow the link below to order my new children's book on Amazon. 

                                           It is available today !! 

https://www.amazon.com/Lets-Play-Ball-Jill-Maglio-Ryan/dp/B09918HXSM/ref=sr_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=Lets+play+ball&qid=1628612542&s=books&sr=1-4

My other books, Cuz I Can and The Girl With Gills are available on Amazon as well. 

Thank you for the continued support. I appreciate the kindness everyone continues

 spread by donating books around the US and Italy. 

Pssst  I have a secret to share. 

 

Coming soon ......The Magic Closet. 

This forth book is based on my favorite subject. Yes, it is another children's book

with a special needs theme.  This one will be a little different. It is a story that 

leads the reader on an adventure with talking animals and new friendships.

It will have illustrations so it will be appropriate for a preschool up to grade 

school children. 

To learn more about what you can do to stop bullying check out the resource 

below. 

https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/get-help-now