Nurses Rock

My friend for over 30 yrs.(nurse) and Meg

As a hairdresser for 25 years I was often asked how I

could put my hands in someone’s dirty hair. My usual

response was that I loved being a hairdresser. Sure,

the backaches, spider veins, carpal tunnel, and trying

to get paid were some downsides of working in my own

salon.  However the great side of doing my job outweighed

the negative. I made great friends, the majority of people

were generous to me and my daughter. Most of all I loved

the creative part of my trade and enjoyed my flexibility to

always be there for Meghann.

Meg another donation to Locks of Love

Meghann was diagnosed with cerebral palsy

around 11 month old. Over the years, Meghann

had many overnight stays in the hospital. I

spent a lot of time in the presence of nurses.

I even have friends who are nurses.

During Meghann’s last  stay in the hospital I

had plenty of time to chat with the nurses.

 I found myself asking the same questions to

the nurses that was asked of me all the time.

How can you care for people all day and watch people suffer every day?

The response was similar to my answer.

                         “We love what we do.”

Some of them  went into nursing because there were other nurses in the family

or they lost a  loved one through an illness. These answers made all the nurses

that I had the pleasure to meet exceptional at their job.

My admiration for nurses has grown over

the year especially during Meghann’s last

days on earth.  Unfortunately I had to gain

that increased respect for nurses through

many overnight hospital stays when Meghann

was ill.  Meghann spent five weeks in the

hospital before she passed away. Dan and I

rarely left her side through it all. Meghann

didn’t say much during those five weeks.

We didn’t need words.  All she wanted from

me was to hold her hand.

So every day I held her hand.

The nurses who came into Meghann’s room

were respectful of Meghann’s need to have

\me hold her hand and be close to her. They

worked around us. Some even moved her

bed so they could work on the opposite side

' I was on. They rearranged the room and did

whatever possible to make Meghann comfortable.

I kept a close eye on the nurses during this time.

 Not because I didn’t trust them. Meghann was

my baby. She was my only child. Along with IV

bags and machines I had become a fixture for

five weeks. I talked to them about Meghann’s

medication, the numbers on the monitors,

the x-ray results, tests and care during those

weeks.

Most importantly, I told everyone about

Meghann as a person. I showed the

nurses and doctors pictures of Meghann.

I shared with them her long love affair

with Curious George, her joy of puzzles,

Wheel of Fortune, and coloring. I told

them how her room was filled with

countless Mickey and Minnie mouse

stuffed animals, jewelry, coloring books,

wall hangings, clothes,UNO, and puzzles.

I told them how much she was loved

by her family.  They listened to me with

loving care.

When a loved one is in the hospital there are doctors,

residents, specialists, and students wandering in and

out of a room all day. In my opinion it is the nurses that

make the difference. They are the ones who are there

listening to patients and families. They are the people

who administered medicine, start IV’s, clean up rooms,

show up every day wanting our loved ones to be well

enough to go home.

After Meghann passed away it was the

nursing staff, personal care givers, and

cleaning crew that cried, hugged us

and extended their sympathy

to us as we made our way down the

long ICU hallway to go home without

Meghann.  

I want to take this time to thank all the nurses that have cared for my Meghann

over the years. I appreciate the long, difficult, and dedicated hours that you

do each day you go to work. Please know that your patients and families may

not always get the outcome that they hoped for but your compassion, caring,

and knowledge of your job is appreciated. My family and I want to thank all of

the nurse at OSF in Peoria for the wonderful care they showed Meghann. We

will be forever grateful to all of you. Thank you for taking the time to attend

 Meghann’s Celebration of Life and generous memorial. All of you will be

remembered forever!!

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ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP

for parents/caregivers of special needs children and adults.

                                           
                                            JOIN US 
                                     FEBRUARY 5, 2019

Join other special needs parents, guardians and caregivers online every month as we come together
to share our concerns, experiences, knowledge and joys with one another.

Regardless how old your special needs  loved may be, there will be something for you in this support group.

If you are a seasoned parent/guardian/caregiver then consider paying it forward with your expertise. Wouldn't it be rewarding to pass on the power of knowledge to each other?

Join special needs parents, guardian and caregivers online every month

Where: Free safe online meeting place

When: The first Tuesday of every month February 5, 2019

Time: 8 P.M. central- 9 p.m. eastern

Why: To lend support to one another through sharing similar struggles, experiences and offering suggestions on solutions.

For more information contact:

Jill

jillianm1963@hotmail.com

815-866-3776

http://parentingcelebratingsmallsteps.blogspot.com/

https://zoom.us/

 

It isn't easy to say goodbye

You are grieving because you

are a person who loved another

The things I have learned through loss:

Everyone grieves in their own way, and most

people want their loved one to be remembered.  

We all feel pain regardless if you are a grieving

mother, father, step-father, grandparent, sibling,

spouse, child, or friend. And it doesn’t count

any less or make a difference if your loved one

died of cancer, drug/alcohol overdose, natural

causes or an accident.  It is a loss. They are loved

and missed.

It has been almost six months since I lost my only child, Meghann. It doesn’t seem real to me.  I wake up in the morning not realizing that she is gone. My first thought is when will I visit her.  Then it hits me !! Meghann is gone. The thought swooshes over me like an ocean wave covering me until I lift my head up out of the wave and off my pillow. I get up and start my day. Throughout the day these waves hit me when I least expect it.   Sometimes I am standing in the shower and the waves wash over me. My tears blend in with the water streaming over my head. I allow myself to use this time to release my sadness. When I am done with my shower my tears are done too. I am not ashamed to admit that I still have days that I cry because I miss Meghann. And that’s okay. I think crying is a good release. I know I feel better after I have let those tears flow freely.

One day my husband shared with me

how he envies women for their ability and

acceptance from others to shed tears easily.  

He also said people ask him how I am doing

since we lost Meghann but they don’t ask

about his loss. I felt sad for him because I

knew he was right.  It is more acceptable for

women to cry than men. And when a child is

ill or dies we embrace and surround mom.

Does it have to be this way?

Everyone grieves differently. Shouldn’t we all be able to grieve without feeling judged

on how we need to get through the journey? It shouldn’t matter if we are male or female.

If an individual wants to cry then they should cry. Perhaps being female doesn’t have

anything to do with it. Maybe its as simple as females generally visually show grief by

crying unlike men. I suppose tears are a little hard not to notice. This made me wonder

why don’t more people ask my husband how he is doing as often as they inquire about

me? Is it because he is male or a step-father? Does this lessen the hurt? Whatever the

reason may be, I am going to be more mindful not to label a loss by gender or title.

After all, there is no one right or wrong way to grieve. We go at our own pace, and time.

Sometimes I choose to cry when I am alone. And that is okay. When I do feel the need

to be among others I have found support through different avenues.

I am a firm believer in support groups and counseling. Sometimes your best friend, spouse,

sibling, parent, or loved one isn’t enough.  My husband and I have attended

two different grief support groups since Meghann died. At one time, I  thought

when people grieved over their spouse of 50 years it was not as bad as me grieving

over Meghann. She was my little girl and only 30 years old. She certainly didn’t deserve

to suffer in the hospital for five weeks. I shouldn’t have to live without Meghann. She

was my only child. How is that fair?  Does age, or how you die really make a difference

to the loved ones left behind? No, it really doesn’t matter. In the end they are still gone.

I am reminded of a story of a woman who's daughter died of a drug addiction. She

shared how her friends and neighbors had not been there for her. She said if her daughter

would of died of cancer her neighbors would of been bringing her casseroles and checking

on her daily. However because her daughter died of a long struggle with drugs she was

considered less of a loss. Until I heard stories like this one and attended the support group

meeting I didn’t realize that the commonality of everyone in this group. Everyone missed

and loved the person they lost. And they enjoyed sharing memories of that person.  It

doesn’t matter their age or how they passed away. They are missed and loved.

Many times people don’t know what to say to someone when a loved one passes away.

I heard one thing over and over when my daughter passed away. It was “I don’t know

what to say.” My answer was always the same. “I know. I don’t either.”  Today I would

respond “Share a memory.”

So, the next time you see me or someone who is experiencing a loss and don’t know

what to say…. share a memory of their loved one.

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Does time heal all wounds?

Time heals all wounds 

Does time heal all wounds or do we just learn to accept the pain and go on?

When my daughter Meghann was diagnosed with cerebral palsy I felt as if

 I joined a special club. The club for parents who have children diagnosed

with special needs. It was a group I never planned or asked to join.  However

once I was in the club I never wanted to leave. I was welcomed into a  world

with awesome therapists and teachers. They worked with special needs children

with a passion I had never witnessed any where. I was fortunate to meet parents of

special needs children at a support group meeting where I learned quickly how

valuable is was to spend  time with this group. We compared doctors, discussed

therapy, medicine, shared our struggles, helped find solutions, and searched

alternative education.  This group helped Meghann, and I realize the importance

of working at our own pace and celebrating our accomplishments.

And we did celebrate Meghann’s milestones regardless if they were age appropriate

or not. When Meghann started saying mommy it was one of the happiest days of

my life even though she always repeated several times as if it was the chorus to

a song she was singing.  

Meghann may not have been

perfect by society's standard but

as far as I was concerned she

was perfect, and I loved being

her mom. I never wished for her

to be anything but happy in her

life.

 I believe she did live her life to

the fullest with love in her heart

for everyone in her path.

 On May 24, 2018  I joined a new group. This was a group I never planned or asked to join. Today I am in the group of parents who have a child that died. Meghann was my only child. She was 30 years old. When I lost her a part of me died with her. I will never hear Meghann’s sweet voice repeatedly chant  I love mommy, I love mommy, I love mommy. I will never sit with her and complete a puzzle. I will never spend those aggravating moments waiting for Meghann to choose a puzzle out of the fully stacked closet. We will never play UNO or any other game. I will never feel her strong arms wrap around me for a big hug or the sloppy kisses she planted on me with those hugs.

How does life go on ?

I am sure in time I will learn to live without Meghann

or perhaps I will accept living life without her.  For now,

I think about her every day, and I have not made it

through a day without crying. I am okay with the tears

for each drop represents a memory of my little girl and

her time on earth with me.  Each day I get up and go

through the motions of life trying to cherish my

memories, pictures, and the kind words of those

who loved Meghann.

Meghann is not a bodily present in my world but I carry her

each day in my heart. Everywhere I go I see things that

remind me of her such as a puzzle piece on the floor,

a crayon stuck in between a couch cushion or a stroll

through a department store with displays of Mickey and

Minnie mouse. All these chance sightings bring a smile

to my face knowing how much Meghann loved them.

It also reminds me of her ever presence in my life forever.

Gone from earth.....

Reunited with Mother

The online support group meeting for parents of special needs children and adults is postponed

until further notice.

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