“The best laid plans of mice and men.”

Little did I know that none of my plans would work out for us this Christmas.

This year I was looking forward to having Meghann home for Christmas. We had a trial run at Thanksgiving and we did pretty good.   Although my back didn’t adjust as quickly with the added work. It was a learning experience of what we needed to do differently.  With my back recuperated I was ready for Christmas.  I love to decorate, bake, cook, shop and watch sappy holiday movies. ( Hallmark right MB and Liz?)  I look forward to Christmas morning when everyone gathers together to open their gifts... especially my Meghann. Meghann’s excitement invariably grows rapidly as she gets dressed Christmas morning. Her enthusiasm is contagious to everyone around her.  I was particularly excited for this Christmas season. It had been a while since we had  Meghann with us.   

Last December Dan and I purchased a house in his hometown. We wanted to settle for a couple of
years after traveling for a few years and plan our next move.

I was looking forward to the new changes that Meghann’s Christmas visit would bring this year.

In the past, Christmas meant traveling to other homes that were never accessible to Meghann.
I would fill my days with questions such as how will I get her wheelchair into the homes we had to visit?
How much medicine, wipes, diapers, clothes, and patience to  pack?  
 It meant being around children who left Meghann out of their games, and receiving gifts that
Meghann did not have the skills to enjoy like other children her age. None of these issues would
be a problem this year. Meghann was an adult now living in a home with seven other girls.  
I was older, and we had a new obstacles. Hoyer lifts, ramps, sleeping arrangements, accessibility
were all things we were use to but now our age was beginning to be apparent to us.

Our current home was the first house that Dan and I had purchased  and lived in together. It is a ranch style home which would be easy access for Meghann’s wheelchair. We purchased a hoyer lift to aid in transferring Meghann from her chair to the bed. We put up a portable ramp for easy access into the front door. We arranged the house to accommodate a bed for Meghann and we started planning a big Christmas meal for family. I couldn’t wait to fill the house with the scent of a real Christmas tree and decorate it with all of the ornaments that our kids and grandchildren had made with their little hands. I started unpacking the only three boxes of Christmas decoration that I had save after our downsizing.

The first two things that I saved were  Christmas stockings that my grandma hand knitted for each one of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren before her eyes could no longer see well enough to stitch.

Another item was a giant wall hanging that my grandma had made of Santa Clause. It seems like yesterday that she was sitting on the couch securing the green tassels onto each end of it.

The last item displayed was a Santa that sat on a table at my great aunt’s house who spoiled my twin sister and me. The little Santa’s beard is not as white as it use to be, and the red suit is starting to fade but I still love it as much as I did when I was a little girl. Those few items tucked away for three years would light up my heart with loving memories as I carefully placed them throughout our home for everyone to see. The house was decorated, gifts were wrapped, and the shopping was done.  I was ready for the holiday festivities to begin. The only thing we needed was to pick up Meghann.

My plans soon started to change.

After years of suffering with foot pain ( it only hurts when I walked or wore shoes….haha) I had the opportunity to have my bunion fixed on my foot before Christmas. Yes, I did it!  I decided that there is no good time to be laid up in the house. Winter seem like the logical time to do it, and the surgeon had time.  The day after my birthday, and a week before Christmas I went into the hospital for my outpatient procedure.  The doctor opened my toe up, put a screw in it, and wrapped it up for me to go home. Over a week now I have been elevating and icing my foot.  I have wobbled around with a bandage and boot on my foot. I have been forced to ask for help which many who know me has been a big challenge. This lead me to one of the most difficult decisions that Dan and I had to make. We decided after much consternation not to bring Meghann home for Christmas. I was heartbroken. But I couldn’t take the chance of injuring my foot and extending my recovery. I knew in my head that in was a wise decision but it still made my heart heavy with sadness.

Between my foot and not having Meghann here it threw me into a funk. I was upset not having
Meghann with me on Christmas morning. Then I started to feel sad to not have any of my family here
for Christmas. I fought the urge to take down all the Christmas decorations. The holiday blues were
hitting me for the first time in my life. All of this woke me up on how aging will affect my ability to care
for Meghann.  This was a new realization to me. Was it too early to start thinking about aging and
caring for Meghann?

While I was raising Meghann the big question I would ask myself was who would care for Meghann
when I was gone?   The reality of me dying and leaving Meghann alone was probably going to happen.
And I knew this fact.  It’s not as if I didn’t see my reflection in a mirror and notice myself aging.
I just didn’t think it would happen in a blink. My funk didn’t last long. I couldn’t help but appreciate
where I am today.  I am 54 years old and in relatively good health. I have had the opportunity to travel
around the United States with the love of my life. I have taken advantage of being an “empty nester”
by traveling out of the country several times. I am fortunate to have opened my heart and arms to
another daughter, son and grandchildren through marriage. I am fortunate to be blessed with several
nieces and nephews who make me bust with pride.  I have a doctor who is taking care my temporary medical inconvenience,  and wonderful staff at Meghann’s home who care for her every day.

The staff go above and beyond  caring for her.  They are kind and love her as well as her roommates.

Most importantly all of the people in my life are healthy and happy.  

Sometimes plans need to be shaken up a bit to remind me to be appreciative of how blessed my life is now.

Reminder!!

Online Support Group for parents/caregivers of special needs children and adults

Grandparents, siblings, aunts, and uncles welcome

January 2nd - Tuesday  7 p.m. Central Time

Guest Speaker: Terri Hancharick/ special needs mom and Program director of EPIC

EPIC is a community-based program “Without Walls” that provides clients with meaningful,
self-determined, inclusive health and wellness opportunities that initiated programming in January
of 2015.

Remember to join the online support group meeting this Tuesday night.  We have a great night planned.

The  first Tuesday of each month.

Stay as long as you wish.

Participate at the level that you are comfortable. Stay for 30 min or the entire hour. Your choice.

Use the app zoom

https://zoom.us/

ID number- 859 589 845

Or call-

Phone number  646-558-8656

Next meeting: February 6th at 7p.m

Contact:Jill

jillianm1963@hotmail.com

Txt- 815-866-3776
Check out the link below. It is the audio of the November and December online support
group meetings.
Copy and paste the link in your browser.

Topic: Sharing experiences Date: Dec 5, 2017 6:49 PM Central Time (US and Canada) Audio Only-1 (24 MB) https://zoom.us/recording/play/ssWYuDvtksRdSCuLkgTumywqfCTM7HQDRuzRJVstGzYI98RD5VGMWXgb5JcISlV7

Topic: Sharing experiences
Date: Nov 7, 2017 6:37 PM Central Time (US and Canada)

Audio Only-1 (24 MB)
https://zoom.us/recording/play/o6W8PccuqbVToAfp98DVXsP5gSpwi8ZoyTso7QvLb5OeJ0CpojLPwsKGobUN7anm