Knowing your options

March 16, 2011 was a day I will never forget. My daughter Meghann moved into a residential home for intellectually and physically disabled adults. Two years later dd homes built over 35 new ranch style homes in Galesburg and the surrounding area. Meghann moved into one of those homes with seven of her closest new girlfriends.

I will never forget the day that Meghann moved out on her own. She turned her wheelchair around and headed down the long hallway without as much as a backward glance while she said

“Bye mommy.”

It was a bittersweet moment for me. I was happy that she was not crying hysterical, but I was also heartbroken. Of course, I didn’t want her to cry. Well.... maybe a little tear drop might have been okay.

So, my husband and I did what any other good parent might do. We went out to our van, got in and cried like big babies. 

Although some people may have thought that my husband and I made a snap decision to move Meghann out of our home. It was not a quick or easy decision. We spent many hours on the phone, searching the internet and talking to people about Meghann’s options. There are many considerations when an adult child with special needs graduates high school. Will the adult child be bored staying at home after graduation? Should they go to a day program? Who will pay for it?  (Adult service funding is different than children who attend school.) Should they move into their own home? Will they be able to afford living on their own? Can they live on their own? Are adult services offered ? Will I (parent/caregiver) be able to manage and navigate through the process? These are just a few questions that begin to open up the dialogue for the future of a differently abled adults.

It is very difficult as a parent not to feel nervous or guilty allowing your special needs adult to spread their wings without us. It is equally hard to park the hovering helicopter and let them fly solo. Many parents of differently abled individuals have spent most of our lives as caregivers. When my daughter moved out I had people tell me that they couldn’t believe I would do such a thing to Meghann. I even had a total stranger at the mall stop me. She proudly told me how glad she was that I kept my daughter because some people put their handicap children in one of those homes. That comment was made to me one week after Meghann moved into her new home. I have made this following statement a million times and I will continue to repeat it.

“If It was up to me I would keep my daughter home with me forever. However it is not about me. It is about giving my daughter the opportunity for the best quality of life possible within her community.”

As a parent, we all worry about our children. Will they be safe? Will they make the correct decisions? Will they succeed? Will they be happy? These are some of the many questions that we ask ourselves when our children move out into the real world. When adult children who are intellectually or physically delayed move out these questions are magnified and multiplied. Who will provide 24 hour care? Will the loved one be taken advantage? Will they be treated fairly? Will the staff be kind? I could go on and on.

Without the loving support of my husband, family and close friends I would of had a more difficult time adjusting to my daughter moving out. Without my support network it would have been more challenging to see the long term benefits of my daughter living independently. This is one of the many reason that I continue to host the online support group for special needs parent and caregivers every month. Although we share some of the same concern as the average parent there are many issues that are increased when a differently able child or adult moves out. 

On June 6th at 7 p.m. the online support group of parents/caregivers will have the honor of listening to Becca’s story. The mother of two will share how her son's diagnosis of down syndrome motivated her to start a non for profit organization and what they accomplished.

She will share her experience meeting the actor Chris Burke and his contributions. If you are unfamiliar with Chris Burke work. He was the first down syndrome actor in a television series. Life Goes On ran from 1989-1993.

Becca will also discuss the upcoming free conference called Knowing Your Options.

Becca's experience as a special needs parent, a non for profit organizer, and recruitment specialist displays she is passionate about her commitment to make an impact for the differently abled community. 

The next online support group meeting for parents/caregivers of special needs adults and children:

When: June 6^th

Time: 7 p.m. Central time

Guest Speaker: Becca

Where: Online zoom

ID number 859 589 845

Phone in number: 646-558-8656

Feel free to contact me for further information or questions.  
Reminder:
Camp Kidz parent orientation  Correction on the date.
June 16th  5:30 p.m. at KCCDD in Galesburg