March
16, 2011 was a day I will never forget. My daughter Meghann moved
into a residential home for intellectually and physically disabled
adults. Two years later dd homes built over 35 new ranch style homes
in Galesburg and the surrounding area. Meghann moved into one of
those homes with seven of her closest new girlfriends.
I
will never forget the day that Meghann moved out on her own. She
turned her wheelchair around and headed down the long hallway without
as much as a backward glance while she said
“Bye mommy.”
It
was a bittersweet moment for me. I was happy that she was not crying
hysterical, but I was also heartbroken. Of course, I didn’t want
her to cry. Well.... maybe a little tear drop might have been
okay.
So,
my husband and I did what any other good parent might do. We went out
to our van, got in and cried like big babies.
Although some people
may have thought that my husband
and I made a snap decision to move Meghann out of our home. It was
not a quick or easy decision. We
spent many hours on the phone, searching the internet and talking to
people about Meghann’s options. There are many considerations when
an adult child with special needs graduates high school. Will the
adult child be bored staying at home after graduation? Should they go
to a day program? Who will pay for it? (Adult service funding is
different than children who attend school.) Should they move into
their own home? Will they be able to afford living on their own? Can
they live on their own? Are adult services offered ? Will I
(parent/caregiver) be able to manage and navigate through the process? These are just a few questions that begin to open up the
dialogue for the future of a differently abled adults.
It
is very difficult as a parent not to feel nervous or guilty allowing
your special needs adult to spread their wings without us. It is
equally hard to park the hovering helicopter and let them fly solo.
Many parents of differently abled individuals have spent most of our
lives as caregivers. When my daughter moved out I had people tell me
that they couldn’t believe I would do such a thing to Meghann. I
even had a total stranger at the mall stop me. She proudly told me
how glad she was that I kept my daughter because some people put
their handicap children in one of those homes. That comment was made
to me one week after Meghann moved into her new home. I have made
this following statement a million times and I will continue to
repeat it.
“If
It was up to me I would keep my daughter home with me forever.
However it is not about me. It is about giving my daughter the
opportunity for the best quality of life possible within her
community.”
As
a parent, we all worry about our children. Will they be safe? Will
they make the correct decisions? Will they succeed? Will they be
happy? These are some of the many questions that we ask ourselves
when our children move out into the real world. When adult children
who are intellectually or physically delayed
move out these questions are magnified and multiplied. Who will
provide 24 hour care? Will the loved one be taken advantage? Will
they be treated fairly? Will the staff be kind? I could go on and on.
Without
the loving support of my husband, family and close friends I would of
had a more difficult time adjusting to my daughter moving out.
Without my support network it would have been more challenging to see
the long term benefits of my daughter living independently. This is
one of the many reason that I continue to host the online support
group for special needs parent and caregivers every month. Although
we share some of the same concern as the average parent there are
many issues that are increased when a differently able child or adult
moves out.
On
June 6th at 7 p.m. the online support group of parents/caregivers
will have the honor of listening to Becca’s story. The mother of
two will share how her son's diagnosis of down syndrome motivated her
to start a non for profit organization and what they accomplished.
She
will share her experience meeting the actor Chris Burke and his
contributions. If you are unfamiliar with Chris Burke work. He was
the first down syndrome actor in a television series. Life Goes On
ran from 1989-1993.
Becca
will also discuss the upcoming free conference called Knowing Your
Options.
Becca's
experience as a special needs parent, a non for profit organizer, and
recruitment specialist displays she is passionate about her
commitment to make an impact for the differently abled community.
The
next online support group meeting for parents/caregivers of special
needs adults and children:
When:
June 6th
Time:
7 p.m. Central time
Guest
Speaker: Becca
Where:
Online zoom
ID
number 859 589 845
Phone
in number: 646-558-8656
Feel free to contact me for further information or questions.
Reminder:
Camp Kidz parent orientation Correction on the date.
June 16th 5:30 p.m. at KCCDD in Galesburg
Reminder:
Camp Kidz parent orientation Correction on the date.
June 16th 5:30 p.m. at KCCDD in Galesburg
