If you practice Buddhism, Christianity, Judaism, Atheism or a higher power I think everyone is entitled to practice or not practice whatever gets them through living a rich and fulfilled life. Regardless of my practice, I believe that everything good and bad happens for a reason. I may not know the reason for what happens when I am going through it and that’s ok. I also know there have been challenging times when I really don’t give a crap about reasons. It just plain sucks. One of those sucky times was when Meghann had her first stroke at 5 years old.
It was a devastating time for her and me. There are not too many things in this world that can drive a mother into a total frenzy than to watch a child suffer. It is even more distressing when it is your own child. Unfortunately, most of us know ( if you are a parent or not) what it is like to watch someone you love suffer through an illness. I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when Meghann first became sick. It was as if I knew that something bad was around the corner. Call it mother’s intuition or psychic power. Whatever it was I knew the storm was about to explode. Even though it was Meg that endured the countless needle sticks, poking and prodding, I felt every pinch and stick like I was her voodoo doll. I helplessly stood by and watched Meghann suffer a stroke and felt powerless to control anything that was happening. I watched as she lay in the hospital bed as her little arms grew twice in size from swelling of IV’s. I was left on my own to collect information to make decisions for Meghann’s care. I consulted with many doctors over the course of this stroke in the hospital. There was no internet to help me out with my decisions of medical care. I had to rely on my own questions and prayed the doctors would explain it in a sensible manner that made sense to me. I had no time to fall apart. I had to be strong for Meghann. There were too many people around me falling apart with negative talk. Of course, I had the one with the constant ignorant comments. ( story in previous blog) I refused to listen or pay attention to the crying around me. I would quietly wander away from people visiting and head to the cafeteria. One day, I slipped away from the people who showed up to “support me” I headed to the cafeteria to get coffee and the clerk asked me for my employee ID. That is about the time when I thought to myself Meghann needs to wake up NOW. It is time for our miracle. I had an instant rush of hope while I marched back to the ICU with a rejuvenated mindset. I had confidence in Meghann’s ability to fight her way back to me. After all, she had the blood of my family running through her veins.
Meghann was born with Cerebral Palsy and she was able to respond to yes/no questions. She sat up without assistance and was able to feed herself. She recognized the people she was close to and attempt to verbally speak names. She said mommy, V (for my sister), she could pronounce my brothers name and had nicknames for her grandma and great-grandmother. One more name she could pronounce very clearly was Abby. I have a best friend who has a daughter Abby that Meghann adored. She would constantly ask for Abby. She would giggle and do whatever Abby asked her to do when they played together. Abby was a great help to Meghann when it was time for Meg to learn her letters and numbers. Abby would sit on the floor with Meghann and they would play school. I believe it was their bond that helped Meghann succeed in school.
The day that I had decided we were ready for our miracle the doctor entered Meghann’s ICU cubicle with a grim look on his face. The latest test results were in his hand. He started with the bad news instantly.
Meghann would not be able to sit up, establish eye contact, and probably never say anything. She wouldn't even recognize me. They told me she would need to continue life with a feeding tube. He continued to inform me how the nurse would be in to show me the process of caring for a feeding tube. As the person sitting beside me began to blubber again………I have admit that my brain was in the process of shutting down and they both continued on without me listening.
When the doctor was finished I slowly stood up and headed down the hall by myself to see my girl. I had spent so many nights in the hospital. I had lost track of time. I had no idea what day it was when I walked back into the pediatric ICU. I looked around at all of the cards, gifts and flowers. There were Mickey Mouse balloons with Get Well written across them and food that had been sent to us. We were very blessed to have a supportive family. We also had community full of people who cared and supported Meghann through her time in the ICU. I picked up the homemade chocolate chips cookie bag that a friend has sent to the hospital. These cookies were Meg’s and my favorite. I opened them as I glanced at Meghann and her eyes opened. I was shocked. I called the nurse as Meg instantly started to struggle to sit up. She was wobbling back and forth. She had been laying in bed for weeks and her muscles were weak. She couldn’t get her balance but continued to struggle to sit up. I helped her up. I was afraid to let go. They doctors words kept repeating in my head. She will never be able to do anything that she did previously to the hospital stay. Meghann looked up at me with her big brown eyes but never attempted to say anything. I think she recognized me. Was this pediatric neurological doctor wrong? Meghann reached for a cookie. The nurse nodded to go ahead and give her one. She ate it in almost one bite. She was starving. She reached for another. I could believe it. Meghann was awake. I was laughing and crying at the same time. She grabbed for the cookies. She wanted more. She looked straight into my eyes and said “Abby” I couldn’t believe it. She didn’t say mommy and I didn’t care. She said Abby. . I knew if she remembered Abby then she was back !!! I got my miracle that day.
Before we left the hospital Meghann was sitting unassisted and she was talking.They removed the IV’s and pulled the feeding tube out. We left the hospital with nothing more than what we arrived with several weeks prior. Do I believe in miracles? Absolutely !!!
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