Success or Not

 

                           Success or Not  

   

Losing a child is an unimaginable heartache that shatters families and leaves a void that feels impossible to fill. When my daughter, Meghann passed away, the world appeared dim, and the journey through grief was endless. It came in waves and sometimes those waves hit when I least expected it.

 

Grief is a complex emotional response that manifests differently for everyone. And nobody should tell you how you should grieve.  It’s essential to understand that feeling a wide range of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, guilt—is completely normal. Although my brain knew all this to be true, taking the first step toward healing has continued to be baby steps for me. 

When I decided to write a children’s book based on Meghann, I found myself experiencing all those complex emotions bubbling up. 

 

Then something unforeseen happened. When I sat down at my computer and started writing it transformed my sorrow into an unexpected positive and sometimes therapeutic session. Each time I began to dig into my memories for material I would see the words typed through tear-soaked eyes. But this time the tears were not sad ones filling my eyes. They were tears of happy memories. The despair I had been feeling for so long was replaced with trying to honor Meghann’s memory through my books.

 

Part of my idea to get my books out to the public was to participate in Author Fairs at local libraries.  

Saturday, I spent the day in Sterling Il at an Author’s Book Fair. As I finished up for the day, I reflected on the how the day played out. Did I sell a bunch of books? Is selling books how I was going to measure my success for the day?  

 I met some talented authors and a staff that did an amazing job that day. 

Most importantly as I shared my story, people started to share their own stories. I heard from teachers, parents and children of teachers, people who knew individuals with different abilities, and people who loved to read. Of course, there were a few children who just wanted stickers and free candy. As I passed out stickers to one of those children, he asked me a few questions about Meghann and what my books were about.  That little boy was one of the highlights of my day. 

 

                                         Do you think my day was successful?   

                                                                       

Meggeriffic  Meggeriffic1987    

                      jillianm1963@hotmail.com                    amazon.com/author/jillmaglioryan

                                   https://parentingcelebratingsmallsteps.blogspot.com/

                                   

                                                                                   

               

                                            Our last puzzle together                      

It's been a while since I have written in my blog. Although I enjoy writing in my blog there are times when it is exhausting to think about. I am also questioning my intentions and purpose of this blog.  When I first began writing parentingcelebrtingthesmallsteps I was drawing on my experience as a mother to my daughter, Meghann. When Meghann passed, a part of me died with her. I know it changed me. This loss has left me with an erasable mark, reshaping my perspectives, priorities, and emotions. I have continued over the past 5 years to navigate through my grieving process. I have learned that everyone travels through their own unique path at their own pace, with no definitive timeline for healing. 

 

I have struggled to live my life without Meghann. I manage to put a smile on my face and act as if everything is okay.  When you lose someone, especially a child you begin to question things in life. Losing a child has challenged my belief, values, and purpose in life. I have tried to reevaluate my priorities and work on my own personal growth as I heal and learn to live without my only child. 

During this grieving time, I am proud to say that I have been seeing a therapist to work through the heartbreaking loss of losing Meghann along with other issues. While I realize the pain will never disappear entirely, I have tried to learn to integrate the grief into my life. I am trying to find those moments of joy within the sorrow. One of those joys is listening to my sister's children talk about the fun times with Meghann. Another one is laughing with my sister’s funny stories about our times with our kids. 

Part of my personal growth-

 I will graduate with my bachelor’s degree in general studies with a minor in Sociology in December. Graduating with honors after suffering through losing Meghann and other personal physical health challenges is a goal, I am very proud of achieving. I will continue to write children's books about Meghann (Meggeriffic) to advocate and raise awareness for the special need’s population. 

Keeping my mind occupied has worked for me to navigate my grief over the last few years. It was obviously the right thing for me because I have written 4 children's books, and I was honored to have my short story chosen to be my published in the Elements magazine at Western Illinois University. 

Whether or not someone agrees with my way of grieving is not relevant to me. Until you experience the loss of a child don’t pretend you know how it feels or tell someone else how they should grieve. 

I hope the Meggeriffic books will provide a learning tool for parents and caregivers to open up a dialogue about treating all people kind. 

If you know of any classroom that would like me to visit their room and read one of my books I would be happy to do it for them. I will be working on setting up some times to visit libraries soon. All of my books are available on Amazon. Meggeriffic will get you to the books for sale or use the link below. 

amazon.com/author/jillmaglioryan 

Check out Meggeriffic Facebook page and follow to keep up to date on upcoming events.

Thank you for making my passion come to life by purchasing books and all the donations everyone has made to libraries, classrooms, and nonprofits.

Jill Maglio Ryan

815-866-3776

jillianm1963@hotmail.com

Five Years

     

                                                      Five Years since I felt you in my arms. 

It has been five years today since I lost my only child, Meghann. Five years. I cannot believe I have lived for five years without her in my life. Before everyone starts telling me how she will always be in my heart and memories I want to say, 

“It's not the same.” 

I realize I am lucky.  Meghann was here with me for 30 years, and she will be forever 30. Blah Blah Blah. I know all those little sayings of positivity for knowing the loved one who passed away, and all the little memes about being thankful for the memories. And don’t forget all the pinterest sayings about heaven and inspirational quotes. This is what I have to say about all of it. 

“It sucks everyday that Meghann is not here. And all the memes and inspirational quotes can’t change it. It just sucks! It's not fair. Without any inspirational quotes repeated on my blog…… I want to share some pictures. 

                              I didn't know this would be our final puzzle together. 

My Meghann will live on forever.    (maybe one little positive saying)

       amazon.com/author/jillmaglioryan